Protect Me From What I Want

Bright lights, big city, and dangerous people. 

Desire is a dangerous thing because it scorns you, no matter how paltry it is you want. Like jealousy and envy (which are both fuelled by passions), you hex yourself when you desire; you're not you when you desire.

Think of the last thing you wanted so badly- to own, to possess- like a shiny, new toy that costs more than you could afford eating ramen noodles for the rest of your life, or someone whom you've only briefly loved, yet exoticized about tirelessly into thinking of spending your sunset years with.

And then, think of how you entertained yourself with ridiculous ideas to procure that desire. Because no matter how far-flung the idea, you yearn and daydream insufferably to calculate scintillating ways to get what you want.

Once, I strategised an elaborate bank heist to, you know, "get rich quick".

But where does desire spring from?

I can't speak for everyone- I'm not a poet- though the only viable clue as to why desire makes me a maniac for the things I cannot have is because I'm equal part coveting as I am disinclined to the things I want, for the fear of not having enough.

Money buys happiness

"Protect Me From What I Want" is but one of conceptual artist Jenny Holzer's many famous artworks-as-writings, a series of "truisms" of which the Brooklyn artist has turned to language as her medium. I chanced upon them in the library. Her words, like digestible soundbites, were cutting. They were a visceral performance, without so much as to conjure horrific imagery than to nail a cold truth at the hearts of many- she knows what makes a person tick in the middle of the night.

And this truism, the urge to crave, the protection one needs from what he or she pines for, can only be explained by what it means to not desire. Because, you wouldn't have wanted anything if you were already, always satisfied.

For instance, I may want thousands of million of dollars today, yet I wouldn't know what to do with them tomorrow. Complete with the amount of luxury I could buy, I'd still be more curious as to know what should- no, ought to come later. Is it, then, crazy to think that anyone who lives a corruptibly rich life must be very boring? No. Not really.

Desire, then, is dangerous because the question of "what's next?" makes it such a locomotive to always want, want, want. You're only motivated by the discomfort of remaining stationary; you're only as satisfied as the last breath you draw; curiosity is the passionate hand of desire.

Thus, perhaps, this is why Jenny Holzer's LED messages are so wickedly charming, yet unpretentious in its language to me. Beside Ms. Holzer's other powerful writings- "Lack of Charisma Can Be Fatal" and "Expiring for Love Is Beautiful but Stupid"- "Protect Me From What I Want" wields a dispassionate eye over people's starkest self-interests. The medium Ms. Holzer chose- like those of advertising- aren't of a persuasive art; rather, they're a mere mirror of people's anxieties.

As a phrase, it is a neat summation of why I do not choose to desire. I just do.

Of course, only I know this much is true.