Good Jeans are Easier to Find than Good Friends.

This is not okay for anybody who isn't a model.

Your jeans are too tight, too loose, too low-hung, and the worst critique of all- too far-flung from the standard issue of 501's (the bell bottom experience should never revive). At some point in our lives, we've suffered panic-room frenzy each time we think about hitting the books for a denim education.

In fact, it's almost hard to discern that ONE pair of jeans that would stick you through thick and thin (pun intended) thanks to fashion's unresting churn of different takes every season. Compared to a workwear staple in the 1900s, denim is a plethora of different shapes and sizes since.

Here, an abridged guide to picking up a trusty pair of jeans in 5 minutes tops.

1) The fit

Unless you enjoy sweating buckets hoping that your tailor doesn't butcher your jeans, the fit should be gotten right off-the-cuff. It is the single element that ties together an entire construct of your jeans, without you spending another buck on tapering.

Often, skinny jeans are silhouette-elongating magic pants that skims at every inch of your legs. However, they are also uncomfortable, difficult to breathe in, and damaging to your ball sacks. Instead of diving straight for the skinny-to-the-hilt look, try a slim fit, which is a wider option compared to the skinny jeans at the thighs and calves. A start would be to stop shopping at the women's section; and then to ensure a flattering fit that would break in well after a few wears under your belt, bend your knees when you first try it on. If you can't move in it, chances are, you won't be able to facilitate ease later too because they usually stretch up to just about an inch.

2) The wash

Results take almost a year to achieve, if not longer.

Next, eyeball your favourite wash. From a faded pre-wash evoking vintage "whiskers" to a keen shade of indigo barely manipulated, opt for a shade that doesn't make you look ruddy.

But unlike pre-washed jeans, there are, for the disciplined, raw indigo if you prefer a one-of-the-kind. Like a pair of cork-based footbeds that Birkenstock's has boasted to mould according to your feet, raw indigo is denim that hasn't been treated, which would eventually accord to your legs, depending on how well you break them in. Apart from the general rule of thumb that is to not wash your jeans 6 months before wearing them in, denimheads have also engaged in the complicity of raw denim care with other high-eternity tips:  Sit in the bathtub in your jeans to ensure optimal water temperature, hang them after wash upside down to prevent shrinkage, or just swim in the sea as myth suggests on how to wash your precious raw denim.

3) The rise

Hips don't lie.

However, sartorial advice should never be taken as God's word. Blogs are prescriptive such that if you're also wide-hipped, you should avoid a low-rise, because they are proportionately more for the torso than to elongate those pipes you want to show off. But that's just biased. Low rise jeans, while discriminate the petite, may actually be what you're looking for. These denim twills have witnessed a comeback with designers who favor its low-slung hip-baring look that has always been synonymous to the famous musical tropes of Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, and rock 'n' roll iconoclast Kurt Cobain. They are nothing of the waistband that hugs around the hip, only to reveal the midriff that exposes your pelvic floor discreetly, as you ease into a stretch. It's a sexier ambition than the dad jean option fielding our vision on the trendier streets.

With each rise, fit, and colour moulding your silhouette differently, sussing for jeans are essentially pure preference. Taking these tips off the bat, they should help you sieve out what you don't want, at least, before distilling the top crop. Always spare no effort when you buy a pair. Try it on and make sure you pass through the mirror check, twice.

When a stranger smiles at you. Accidental water marks impressed on my Levi's.